Articles - Anger and Other Behavioral Issues

Some years ago I taught a parenting class called "Redirecting Children's Behavior", in which parents discovered that the most effective way to manage their kids' behavior was to get better control over their own.

The other big "aha" from the class was how important it is to observe kids, to figure out what need they're trying to get met through their behavior - or as Yogi Berra said, "You can observe a lot by watching."

What I've observed is that for both children and adults, most "bad" behavior (whether angry outbursts, bullying, or procrastinating) is just a misguided or misdirected attempt to get some basic need (for comfort, security, reassurance) met. 

These two ideas are key in figuring out how to change adult behavior, whether your own or someone else's:

• Use your powers of observation. Take note of what happens just before the problem behavior occurs - what seems to trigger it? And also notice what happens after - does it work to get the person what they want? Can you figure out what need they're trying to meet?


• By learning to control your own reactions to others' bad behavior, you have a much better chance of influencing the situation toward a positive outcome (getting what YOU want!)